About (Bad) Dating Experiences

Since last December, I decided to give a new chance to online dating. Not that in the last months I was not active searching from one of the ones and onlies - online - but my motivation was anyway quite low, the time for such entertainment limited and I still had - or thought so - a potential relationship in mind that happily didn't work at all in the end.

With a lot of positive energy and an open mindset, I not only intensively searched on one online dating site, but even open up a new one, on a very popular website. Breath deep, start swip left and left and left, and once in a while to the right. My friend with a couple of years of online dating apps experiences, told me that many men just swip right in the chance that at least once in a while they will get a match. Me, I swipped left: men with animals, or without pictures or with weird descriptions, or together with a child, or...or...or... (also the one who posted a picture of a bag of gummi bears as his profile suffered of the same fate).

Couple of them were matched. Some were actually not even based in my city, although it showed so. I don't want to enter into the reasons they did so, but were far beyond my dating interests. 

Apparently, while I was offline dating uniteresting and uninterested men, a new online dating trend was launched: Netflix dates. It's like men and women cannot bound over a cup of coffee or tea or whatever beverage, unless there is a movie to watch in the background. No better words that the movie's can describe a connection between people. First date by Netflix? Second date by Netflix? Thank you so much, but maybe you keep searching the right movie lover match. 

There are also the very direct people - I love being direct myself as well - who are openly asking you for an intimate relationship and even miss you so much although they never saw you - and there is a 100% probability will never see you. Maybe, after all, we are just a slightly advanced version of bonobos, who knows.

In between, there are people who are intensively writing for a couple of hours or days and then they disappear, the ones you meet and feel that it is nice to meet again, but actually they have some issues they don't want to share (and personally I am not interested to find out more about), those who are interested to built up only a little harem or to enrich their exotic experiences. 

However, there are also nice 'matches', with a relatively interesting and lively conversation, that do not make grammar mistakes and even can talk about more than some mediocre film series - which mean a book they've read or some interesting academic discussion. 

At least once a week I am longing to give up this experience, block and delete most of the people I've meet through my online dating apps and...And what? That's the question that actually keeps me involved as I don't find a clear answer to it. After all, I am back fighting since three months only and as in the case of job searching, the more you are searching and have a mindset open to finding work projects the higher the chances to find what you are looking for. As far as I know I am ready to any kind of business presentation and professional discussion, any time of the day or regardless how tired I am, but when it comes to dating, I can be pretty awkward and bored and lacking any motivation to sound and look interested and interesting at the same time. Therefore, I got the chance to learn something about relationships and how to win -or loose - some of them.

When I feel down and disappointed, I just breath deep, do some exercise and think that, after all, 'that's all for good'. 

Maybe it is about time to take things slowly, allow myself a bit of fun and keep searching. To be continued...

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Taking a Summer Break from Online Dating?

The Dating World is such a narrow bridge...

Is summer the right time to reconsider and re-evaluate your dating standards and aims? To sum up all the experiences you had over the year and take the right step towards a final decision or just freezing all the dating attempts for a while?

Especially if you are into online dating - and not the classical matchmaking, which is also good - you may feel overwhelmed by the amount of messages or 'likes' to your profile, but almost no real-time dates. It seems that many guys are there only to kill some time, while browsing profiles but nothing serious to consider. Is this because free dating sites are, you know, free and people just set up as many free profiles on those free dating websites mostly for having some fun not necessarily looking for a serious and stable relationship?

Sometimes it is easier to judge and make fast assumptions, as the reasons people are avoiding a real-time date may be as many as the motivations of creating a profile on an online dating website. Some may be not ready for a date, some may be afraid of moving forward some are just to shy. Of course, when you feel out of time and annoyed that after months of chats and time wasted online nothing really happened, taking a break, or completely breaking out is also a good decision. Good or bad, it is your decision and especially if you are on a free dating site, there is no financial loss involved therefore no big regrets.

When online dating is no more fun, and your stress level is higher than in one of your previous failed relationship(s) my recommendation will be to just to take a break for a short while or longer. Especially when summer is around the corner, and there are so many things to see and social opportunities to meet people in real life, such a break may in fact open your eyes to the potential available men that are out in the wild life and not only on the other side of the computer. It is a different communication which is completely worth the try.

In fact, if you want to have all your options open, you have to always try juggling between the online and offline dating. Thus, you have more open options that can only bring you good luck.

Another advice would be to change the dating website. With so many free or paid apps and online sites, you can easily switch to one or two more tailored to your interests. Using too many of them is also not too good, as it may be too hectic and exhausting. I personally recommend using maximum 3 apps, preferably one general, one more geographically confined and another another one eventually paid. 

As I am right now on a rest-and-relaxation wellness break, I decided to take a short break from online dating, reconsider my options and aims and return to the busy life with a different, hopefully more relaxed perspective on life - and dating too.

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Online Dating - Going Locally

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post, but the opinions are, as usual, my own.

With Valentine's Day almost one week away, you had enough time to think about what your love life resolution for the next 12 months will be. Don't get me wrong. I will never start lecturing that only a life in two is worth living. Not at all. I haven't changed my mind claiming that, in fact, it some relationships and love stories are not meant to be, you better find the perfect ways to get the best of your life now, enjoying its perks as a perfectly happy single person. A physically or mentally abusing relationship, when you simply don't feel yourself and are hurt every single day is not worth living, only for the sake of the social conveniences claiming that any single person is a failure. 

However, life in two do have its own little pleasures, of sharing your meals and feeling with someone worth of your attention and your time. Love and intimacy are precious things that should be offered when the time has come for the right person into your life. 

But there are some people that feel perfectly fine on their own as there are people that cope hard with their loneliness. For those for whom Valentine's is not easy to survive with so much sparkles and hearts and its media branding completely on their own, it is about time to change something in your single life. With or without a relationship coach, you need to start by figuring up what you want from your love life in the next 12 months, just in time to not be single the next 14th of February. Deadlines when it comes to finding that unique person doesn't work well and can be very counter-productive, especially when under the pressure you can make a wrong choice, only because you wanted to check that box too. But you know what, if you are realistic enough with your business plans and don't want to build an empire in one month, must probably you will be wise enough not to dream too big about your love life either. After all, everything starts by knowing yourself, your potential and mindset.

Online dating can be an option

Now, that you got your objectives done, it is about time to start putting them into practice. Where you can find those single people is again a matter of what you are looking for in your life. It can be a Meetup group, or a social event for singles only, but it can also be done by getting busy with the activities you love the most. If you are into horseback riding, spending more time at your favorite club might bring you near some other potential half with the same hobby which is looking to find its match too. If you have a more traditional background, you can use a matchmaker whose input is based on feedback from people that know your potential match from real life and you skip a couple of stages that are quite time consuming when you meet randomly. 

Or, you can use a local online dating service. If you are new into it or reluctant about what you can expect, you can start by reading books and other online resources created by people that went there, done that. Learn about the etiquette and  why you can give it - or not - a try. There are so many options for any age and senior dating is no more a shame, but rather a normal way to start your love life, regardless the year you were born. 

Then, time to start getting to know your local online dating sites and apps, selecting what suits you the best and setting up your profile. You can use the same profile and photo too, and see what is going on and what the offer is. If you are for now more relaxed in terms of what you are looking for, adult dating sites can easily help you find likeminded individuals looking exactly for the same thing as you.

Although all the big online dating sites offer nowadays the chance to browse matches within your area, I personally will be very happy to use a specific online resource for my very specific local needs. The local-themed websites are very useful especially if you are new in a small little town or area and want to meet only people living there. Otherwise, in big capital cities, as you know, there is always plenty of fish. As I am living in Germany now, I can only envy the very organised British online dating initiatives, keeping in mind the needs of the local singles. It helps you to have a narrow but more successful focus. If you want checking the dating Buckinghamshire offer curious about Cornwall dating offers or fancy single men in Portsmouth, you have everything ready for you on your screen. Your love life can be only one click away.

Last but not least, after getting to know in writing your potential dates, you need to plan your first date. Carefully, in public spaces and being sure, as for now, to do not share too many private information, such as the home address, dare to meet him or her and see if you are meant to be. Spending too much time chatting online is not very productive, unless you are looking for a penpal, which is not what a dating site is for, anyway.

After each date, make a short evaluation and with a relaxed, drama-free attitude, see how things are going on and what can be done. Keep your sense of humour, your self-esteem and keep exploring life and its wonders. Everything is about the journey, not necessarily the destination, isn't it?

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